


You don't have to be Captain America

by waywardimpalawriter



Category: Avengers, Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Steve Rogers - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 05:37:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8000530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardimpalawriter/pseuds/waywardimpalawriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: You’ve watched him battle, watched him loath himself for not being able to save everyone, watched him take the weight of the world on his broad shoulders. It’s time he learns that he doesn’t have to do it alone.<br/>Pairing: Steve x reader<br/>Warnings: self-hatred<br/>Setting: after the ending of Avengers Age of Ultron</p>
            </blockquote>





	You don't have to be Captain America

Watching him pace, steps sure and measured, eyes traveled each step with him from your perch by the window. Back against the glass pane, warm sun soaking into your skin, book laying open in your hands but you’ve read the same passage over for the last fifteen minutes. Concertation broking by the super soldier’s gate, wearing a path in the compound’s flooring.

“You mind sitting your tight ass down Roger’s?” voice exasperated a little harsher than intended. Things between the two of you haven’t been exactly on the best of terms not since the Sokovia incident. Course these days you forget why exactly the two of you are fighting in the first place.

Swinging around to face you, fixing you with his bright sky blue eyes, “Don’t like it leave,” he growls locking eyes with you for a few seconds before resuming his track.

Sighing, you try to go back to reading and ignore the walking wall though it’s not easy. You’d be kidding yourself if the last few weeks, you snort try almost the last year, hadn’t been hell. You missed Steve, missed watching horrible movies, the good ones and the ones that made you cry. Missing his warmth that surrounded you when things got a little rough. Tight hugs were something you’d come to enjoy from him. Though that all changed a year ago when he’d found out his best friend was actually alive, brain washed and didn’t know him, but alive. Since then he’d started to push you away opting rather to have Sam by his side like you weren’t worth your salt anymore and maybe if you’re truthful with yourself that’s when all this started. Shaking your head, you get exactly through one full page when your attention is caught up with Steve again. Who’s leaning against the kitchen island one hand carding through his hair, the other resting on the granite top.

You want to ask, it’s on the tip of your tongue to offer an ear to listen, and for that you bite it remembering the fact that he doesn’t want you beside him anymore. Made that very clear in Sokovia when he yelled at you for nearly, in his opinion and no one else’s, getting yourself killed by saving his ass deflecting a bot from attacking his back. Sure you’d gotten knocked down, bruised ribs, concussion, and a few added scares to the ever growing list. You’re alive though no worse for wear, part of the job of being a super hero right. Plus it saved his gorgeous ass, so to you it’d been a win, win.

Steve catches you staring at him, frown marring his handsome features, “Something on your mind doll?”

Jumping slightly not just from his voice, soft and so unlike it’s been the last few times you’ve talked. Nor the fact that you’d been caught staring at him. No it’s more along the lines of him calling you doll again after so long. Music to your ears but an arrow to the heart. “Nothing Roger’s just,” you return to the book in your hand you mutter, “go back to your pacing or something. It’s not like you need to explain anything to me anyway.”

Hating how the last few words from your mouth sounded stupid, childish even to your own ears much less his, you try to focus once more. Missing the fact that those normally shining blue orbs are dull, or how he traces your features a sight for sore eyes as he’s been gone for the better part of two months. Between tracking down the remaining Hydra factions and trying to find Bucky there hasn’t been much time to actually speak with you. He’s missed you and silence between the two of you is slowly killing him. Not that he’d ever say. He’s not suave like Sam or charming like Thor and Tony. He’s just Steve, awkward and just a bit shy still. He wishes for things to be different between the two of you, to be back how it was before the distance between you went from a small creek to a large ravine. Not even remembering why the two of you fell apart in the first place. Yet, all he’s got to do is shut his eyes, seeing you lying on the ground, covered in dirt, splattered with blood, eyes closed and all he can think is you’ve been ripped from his life. That he’s lost another person who’s so important to him that it hurts. To know it’s his own fault that you don’t speak. He’s not sure which is worst, you being physically gone or right there and never speaking.

Tension getting the better of you, slamming your book closed, you raise looking towards Steve and taking steps forwards. Head raising as he’s heard your approach, taking in your jeans and black AC/DC wearing frame, feet bare as he knows shoes are something you can’t stand to wear most of the time. Long h/c hair flowing around your shoulders. He watch’s your bottom lip disappear with your tongue back inside your mouth, teeth making indentions. He can see the indecision written in those beautiful e/c eyes.

Shakily you place a hand on his strong shoulder, ones that look like the fate of the world rested on them. Dark blue dress shirt stretched over the expanse as you rub over the length a few times gaining strength to speak. Which you shouldn’t have to do. “You don’t have to hold the weight of the world on your shoulders Steve. The burden can be lifted and shared if you’re willing to let it. Not everything thing’s your fault.”

Eyes closing when your voice spoke heat and heart ache slicing his chest as his name slips from those lush lips. He’s ached so long to hear you call him by his name and not just Captain, which you’d always told him wasn’t his name in the first place, or Rogers. He savory’s this moment like a fine wine on his palate, taking in the warmth of your hand storing these few seconds in his heart. “It’s not that easy Y/N.”

Snorting, “Course it is,” dropping your hand from his shoulder to across your chest. “You don’t always have to be Captain America, it’s just a name, a title not who you are unless you want it to be. You’re putting so much stress on yourself for no reason. Let someone, Sam, Nat, hell even Tony carry that burden with you.”

Adding your own name had been right there, you’d wanted nothing more and yet you reframed from doing so. Something that didn’t go unnoticed by Steve. “My burdens to carry, no one else’s.”

Eyes close in frustration, willing yourself not to raise your voice or hit him upside the head like you wished to do. Reopening them to stare at Steve, “You’re an idiot Roger’s you don’t see when someone is trying to help you. Instead you just push them away.” Shaking your head, you take a step away. “You keep doing that and you’ll have no one.”

“Maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be?”

Small though heard, the gasp which leaves you, his words making your body tremble and not in the good way. “Being alone is never something that should happen. Not when there are people who want to be there. You’re just making it hard. For what reason? Why would you rather be alone?”

“Forget it. It’s nothing,” pushing away from the island he goes to leave only to have you grip his arm tight.

“I won’t forget it Steve,” you pull him back wishing you’d have the nerve to yank him into your arms and hold on. Though you don’t, instead you just stare. “Why did you push me away?”

Blinking he tries to figure out what to say. How to answer the heart break in your eyes. “I’m not some fragile doll you have to protect. That I can do myself. So why? Why did you shut me out? I can help.”

Shaking his sandy blond head, “You can’t help Y/N when there’s no need of assistance. I got it covered,” biting the inside of his cheek to keep from blurting out everything that’s bothering him and there is a lot.

Nodding, dropping the hand from his arm, “Gotcha ya Roger’s. I hear ya loud and clear this time. You,” clearing your throat to get past the lump. “You keep that world on your shoulders. Just don’t come looking for help later it won’t be here.”

With that said you quickly make your way from the commons room, before the tears fell. The last thing you wanted is for Captain America to see you cry. Yet, you missed the torment in his eyes as he watched you flee, his fists balling up at his sides angry with himself for once again pushing you even farther away.

“It’s for the best,” he breathes into the silence room making his way out the opposite direction.


End file.
